


Go fuck yourself

by Anonymous



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Bickering, Doppelganger, Episode: s04e21 Double Jeopardy, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Selfcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:22:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27915949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Leave me the fuck alone,” Jack tries as his robot self squeezes down next to him in the tiny tent barely large enough for one Jack O’Neill, thank you very much.“Nope,” he says to himself, unzips Jack’s sleeping bag and puts his hand right on his crotch.
Relationships: Jack O'Neill/Jack O'Neill
Kudos: 8
Collections: Anonymous





	Go fuck yourself

**Author's Note:**

> I saw 4x21 "Double Jeopardy" last night and since I couldn't find any Jack/Robot Jack fic, according to the rules of the internet, I had to create it. I apologize for nothing.

Jack has just settled in for the night and turned his flashlight off when the tent flaps open and a figure crawls inside. He has his gun pointed at the intruder instinctively within a split second, but nearly as quickly, it is slapped away. 

“Geez, put that thing away,” his own voice says. Oh, great. Him. 

“Leave me the fuck alone,” Jack tries as his robot self squeezes down next to him in the tiny tent barely large enough for one Jack O’Neill, thank you very much. 

“Nope,” he says to himself, unzips Jack’s sleeping bag and puts his hand right on his crotch. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Jack nearly squeals and curses the fact that the space is too small to effectively punch someone in the face. 

“Come on, you know you want to,” the other him says while stroking him through his boxers. 

His eyes have adjusted to the low light and he can just about make out his own damn face looking at him, and goddamn, it’s weird, but he can’t pretend he hasn’t thought about it. How many people have the opportunity to find out if they’re a good lay, right? 

“That’s it,” the robot whispers as Jack’s cock hardens under his hand and in a swift motion, he’s sitting on top of him and grinding their hips together. Jack pulls him down for a kiss because if he’s going to do this, he’s going to do it properly, and actually, wow, this is a great idea. He doesn’t have to hold back on the tongue, he’s being kissed hard and dirty and _exactly_ how he likes it, hard body pressed into his, their cocks rubbing together perfectly, and he was going to tell himself what’s happening here is just masturbation, but now his body is screaming at him _sexsexsexsex_ and _yesyesyes_. 

He flips them over. He’s looked in the mirror before when he was turned on, and this is just like that, except then it isn’t because it’s not him when his doppelganger stretches out and puts his hands up over his head and arches up into Jack’s body and Jesus, yeah, he does that, and he never realized how goddamn slutty it looks. 

“Fuck me,” his doppelganger makes the slutty image perfect and Jack has to swallow down his acute embarrassment, because there is no point, no point at all in denying that all that went straight to his cock. 

“Isn’t it all metal and wires in there?” 

“Fully functional,” he smirks. 

“That’s not a function of me!” 

“Apparently Harlan thinks otherwise,” his doppelganger winks at him. 

Jack groans. That is so not a mental image he needed. 

“What, are you about to lose your erection, old man?” 

“Fuck you.” 

“I’m waiting.” 

Jack finds his lotion and presses his slick fingers to the tight hole. He has to admit he wouldn’t know it was a robot if he didn’t _know_ , he’s hot and tight inside, muscles softening up gradually when Jack opens him up like he would himself, one, two, three fingers pressing inside in quick succession and scissoring him open in practical motions.

“Do it,” his double commands and pulls his legs up towards his chest. “Come on already.” 

“Maybe I’ll make you wait.” 

There’s a surprisingly shy look and a “please, sir,” and that’s just way too weird to comprehend coming from _himself_ , and he quickly lines himself up and pushes in. Their groans of pleasure are identical and it’s like looking in a mirror and somehow, it’s not as disturbing as it should be. 

_Jack_ feels great around his cock and he lets him turn over under him because he knows he wants to and angles down to hit his prostate. He gets a hand underneath himself to jerk himself off and he knows it’s going to happen before he feels it, and he feels it before he sees it when he starts to come, and Jack has to slow down his thrusts while he waits for the constrictions around his cock to subside. 

His doppelganger will be oversensitive now, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t at least a little resentful and out to punish him, so he ignores the whimpers and goes as hard as he likes and bites down on his shoulders when he finally spills inside him. 

Before his brain is fully back online, his double has wriggled out from underneath him and is biting his lips and stroking his hard cock next to him. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he groans. “Pretty sure when I was your age I had a recovery time.” 

“Told you I’m better,” he grins and whoa, this is how he looks with his head thrown back in the throes of orgasm. It’s actually pretty hot. This little encounter is going to do so much for his ego, holy shit. 

There is no cum, which is a bit strange, so apparently _that’s_ not a function of his, but Jack is way too tired and sated to freak out right now. The next thing he knows he’s asleep. 

\--

Waking up spooning himself is an experience Jack could do without, but alas, all his life choices have led him to this moment. He shoves at him to wake him up. 

“Get up, I gotta pee,” he mutters as his _better_ self who doesn’t have to pee scrambles awake. He also doesn’t really have to sleep, so he can get a move on. 

“Here goes nothing,” he mutters and crawls out the tent after his doppelganger, hoping nobody is around to see them at this particular moment. 

“Sirs,” Sam nods at them as they exit the tent. 

“Did you have a pleasant night, Colonels O’Neill?” asks Teal’c. 

“Uh, this isn’t what it looks like.” Next to him, his double soundlessly mouths _we fucked_ , smirks, wiggles his eyebrows and points at him. 

Carter goes scarlet which is, actually, kind of funny and a bit flattering and he can’t stop his own smug grin. To hell with it. 

“It was well audible to us all,” Teal’c announces and it’s Jack’s turn to blush. Even the robot, immune to all the usual ails of blood flow, seems twitchy. 

“I told you this was a terrible idea.” 

“Oh, now it’s a terrible idea? That’s not what you said last night!” 

“Oh sorry for being the _worse_ of us two, with all the stupid chemicals clouding my brain when I’m--” 

“Are you saying I don’t have a brain?”

“Well, do you?”

“That’s not the point!”

**Author's Note:**

> ... and if they haven’t stopped, they’re still arguing to this day. 
> 
> (The robots didn't die. That didn't happen. Shhhhhhh.)


End file.
